sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
