Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
