I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
