I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
