why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
