I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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