well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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