Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
