How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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