This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
