She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
