I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
