all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
