the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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