And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
