I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she looked like the before picture.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
