Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
