what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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