Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
