I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
