I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
