i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The uberlube is also flammable
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
