I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
