i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
