Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
