He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
