I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
