I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
