we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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