I CAN MOONWALK!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
