K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
