mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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