My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You made out with two different species that night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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