Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
