my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
