Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
