I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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