dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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