My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
