Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
