if you like me you must not know who I am
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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