just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
