on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
