Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He did a backflip because drugs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
