Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
