the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
