I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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