my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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