did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
