last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
