Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
