Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
